50 Things You Probably Don’t Know… Wednesday, Jul 21 2010 

I’m reading an amazing novel right now… so I need a filler until I can finish it. Here goes…

1) I have weird dreams–I’m soo serious. They seem so real, sometimes too real and then when I wake up–it is almost bittersweet.

2) I’ve moved 26 times. No, I’m not military. Just moved alot… but I’ve always stayed in state.

3) I try to be patient… but sometimes it just doesn’t happen.

4) I live by a schedule… okay, maybe that’s not true. I do homework by a schedule. It’s the only way for me to get things done. In between those schedules are my times where I unleash–not as “uptight” as you thought.

5) My music choices are broad. I mean, they were broad before, but they have since expanded–it’s wonderful! I really love pretty much all kinds of music.

6) I have to believe that there is a man out there for me who will listen whether I’m right or wrong. Love me whether I’m right or wrong. Take me as I am. I can’t and shouldn’t have to be anyone other than me.

7) I love the look of tattoos and would love to get a few more.

8.) I do not tolerate domestic violence–physical, emotional, psychological, whatever. It is bullshit and you know it.

9) When you pass by, my mind is juggling all that I have to do over the next day or so. I’m not intending to glare at you–I probably don’t know you are there. No offense. More so, I’m quiet. I don’t mean to seem snobby, I’m just soo shy.

10) I don’t regret things–but I sometimes I wish I could undo certain things–it probably would have just been better that way.

11) I know and respect where I come from. Just because I am growing doesn’t mean I don’t remember my roots.

12) I believe in things being different–not better or worse, just different. A “good” different.

13) In my personal life, I am not a fan of change–there are certain parts about my character and appearance that I love reinventing. However, at first, I do not like moving and going against the usual day-to-day. Hang around me and you’ll figure it out–it’s kinda funny.

14) I love singing. I’m becoming comfortable enough with that part of me to the extent that I will sing quietly in public. Progress, Progress.

15) It’s irritating when people say “retarded”, “gay”, “Crack” related jokes. It makes me think you are ignorant, intolerant, and/or have little respect for people around you.

16) I love learning–languages, history, english, geography, psychology, sociology, etc. It is fascinating. This includes watching movies with accents so I can pick them up and use them.

17) I’m snoopy–but not rude. I enjoy hearing about people’s lives–and speculate about people of the ancient world and their lives–royal or not.

18) Archery is amazing. I haven’t practiced in awhile, but I would love to start up again.

19) Newsflash! I love jeans, hoodies, big sweatshirts, flip-flops, button-up men’s shirts… Comfy. 🙂

20) When it comes to make-up, I wear blush on my cheeks and eyes, gloss or chapstick, eye-liner, and then mascara. Quick and looks pretty. Takes less that five minutes.

21) I love when my nails have a nice length to them–painting them is fun too.

22) Reading and watching movies are up there in the Top 5 of my favorite things to do besides sing, cook/bake, and take pictures.

23) I enjoy doing the dishes. It gives me time to sing, or even think about whatever is going on with me at the time.

24) I LOVE SHOES. Oh my gawd– I hate shopping… but shoe-shopping… we are all go.

25) Looking at the stars is so fun and it reminds me that I am one person in a place of God knows how many beings. It also reiterates that I may be one person in countless beings, but I am of countless importance to at least one person.

26) My favorite quote for 2010 so far: “Put the shit-sandwich on the porch and light it.”

27) I write about my life–a long process, but it gets me over the events that happen.

28) Music can connect to all areas of my life–I have made it that important to me. ❤

29) I don’t like being in water… lakes and oceans. Pools are okay because I can see the bottom. Showers are perfect.

30) I thrive while making deadlines and being under pressure.

31) Ballroom dancing is soo beautiful to watch–movies and shows with any kind of dancing are fun, but ballroom dancing takes the cake.

32) I think one of the most romantic things that could be done to me is being sung to–wouldn’t mind that a bit. 🙂

33) My 2010 Reading List is huge. If I were to take one book and take a week to read each novel, it would take 2 1/2 years.

34) My eyes are Hazel. Depending on the lighting, they look blue or green. It took 15 years for me to love the color of my eyes.

35) I’ve been told I have a sparkling personality. I’m not sure if that means I’m a multi-faceted individual, or that I have no personality. I hope my boss was saying that as a compliment. haha

36) Green and blue are in a tie for being my favorite colors.

37) I hold back what I really want to say to people sometimes because I don’t want to deal with the emotional bullshit of what is to follow. But that is changing…

38) I consider my life to be like salad–different flavors and textures–some more preferable than others, but they are there all the same.

39) I am the shortest person in my immediate family at 5’4″. My fifteen year old brother is almost 6’2″. My sixteen year old sister is 5’9″. Mama is 5’11”.

40) I do not easily trust people. I often question people’s intentions and keep myself at a distance–it doesn’t matter how close we were, are, or could be. I think acknowledging this is a testament to who I am, and gives me something to improve upon.

41) I love reading Emily Dickinson–she is the queen of dashes. I pay homage to her often in my writing–

42) I hold on to certain things for a long period of time and then let them go when they no longer serve a purpose to my writing. That might be harsh, but it is what it is.

43) It rubs me the wrong way when people leave words hanging over my head–if you have something to say, say it. Don’t worry about me–I’m not made of glass. But hey, if it helps you sleep at night, so be it. #37 is just part of the contradiction that is me.

44) I’ve been told I have a warped sense of humor. Hate to break it to you, my humor is no more warped than you are–I’m just more open about it.

45) The Hannibal Lecter series is probably in the #1 slot for Favorite Movie series ever.

46) I’m really into the supernatural–the idea of “the other side” has fascinated me for years.

47) I’m completely guilty of putting up only one side of my personality. For certain people it will be one way, for others another, and so on.

48) I respect my native american heritage and am not embarrassed with it.

49) I would not mind teaching one day–it’s getting there that would be an issue. If you throw me into a situation I can adapt, but give me time to change my mind and you can bet your ass I will give you any and all excuses in the book. In any case, I could teach history, but not my major–english.

50) I love Washington State weather. I guess that is the one kind of  change I absolutely love. 🙂

Breathing Room Thursday, Jul 8 2010 

I think I’ve forgotten the reasons why I began writing this blog–if that is what I can really call it anymore–if ever. I mean, I know why I started. I just can’t remember why it held any significance…

I love books and reading. My mother read to me while I was in the womb, when it was time for bed… and eventually I would pick up books that appeared or sounded interesting. I was a quick reader and went through books quicker than they could be given. Instead of asking for the average girl-toy for Christmas or birthdays, I’d ask for books. Getting a new book–used or otherwise–was like Christmas, even in the middle of July. Maybe that is why I love inter-library loans from the local library. I made a list of books that I want to read. I’ve only gotten through… less than ten of them. Some do not have reviews because I read them before I had the “brilliant” idea to start a blog revolving around the books I’ve read. I guess I started because I wanted to share my passion with people who might enjoy the same genres I do–and who knows, introduce books anyone can read, become fans of the author, obssess over with me, gain new views–a whole slew of things.

It is kind of disheartening to have to accept that I will not finish all or even most of these books by the end of 2010. Maybe the end of 2011… or 2012. There’s just no possible way. I added them all up and found that if I were to take a week for each book on the list, it would take a little over a year and a half to read them all. I think in some instance, I need to start over… not from scratch–just a new perspective. What I have written in regards to “reviews”… I’m not satisfied with at all right now. I liked them for what they were at the moment–but for some reason, it is just not enough anymore.

What I would like to do is write everyday. I used to. However, if everyday does not happen–oh well–shit happens and I’m not going to tie myself to a computer racking my brains trying to write something that I am just not invested in. Instead of just writing a review at the end, maybe writing a pre-review or something. I just need something different… I’m not sure what–just different from what is.

So–here is the plan:
During the time I am reading a book, I will hopefully write my thoughts out regarding whatever I read that day… maybe I’ll pick a prompt or something. Or maybe, like I said before, write a pre-review and then a review after–compare and contrast kind of thing. As impossible as it is for me to remotely like this change at all–right now I seem to crave change in general.

Maybe that’s it right there–I want so much change in my life. Right now. That’s new. I’m just tired of things being so prettily placed, constructed, and said. I totally get that there is a time and place for the subtlety  which I’ve so greatly mastered in my everyday speech–sad day. It is exhausting and maybe just becoming a pain in my ass to have an extreme sense of propriety all the time. I think my roomie, Amanda, will take great joy in find out that I’m going to take a lesson in radical honesty–or at least make an honest attempt. As far as the blog is concerned, I think that writing exactly what I am thinking or feeling will be good for me–less stressful and not so much stock in giving a rat’s ass. Maybe this is long overdue–fuck appropriate. Take me for who I am. Take this for what it is. In this moment. Change is not going to be easy for me–anyone who knows me will know and see this. But right now–I’ve never wanted change more. This is a great place to start. We’ll see how it goes for the next novel–I think I’ve a newfound hope for this blog and myself.

The Queen’s Mistake Wednesday, Jul 7 2010 

“Freedom is not treasured until it is lost.” (Pg. 348)

The story of Catherine Howard, the fifth wife of Henry VIII, has always pulled me in. I sympathize with these women and have a strong dislike towards their King. While obviously we can’t change the past, and we’ll never know what truly happened, it is engaging to learn of the possibilities.

I was eight years-old when I first heard Catherine’s name and read anything about her–well, her ghost that is. I read a book about mysteries and there was a section about her ghost and Hampton Court. I was fascinated by her. However, I wouldn’t hear or read about her until I was about 12 year-old. I discovered Elizabeth I when I was 10 or 11. It was then that I backtracked and found out about her father and his six wives: Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boleyn, Jane Seymour, Anne of Cleves, Catherine Howard, and Catherine Parr.

The Queen’s Mistake by Diane Haegar, was a wonderful read. Never before have I become so emotionally invested with someone who lived and died 468 years ago. Despite the fact that this novel is historical fiction and quite probably holds events that may or may not have happened–again–to learn of the possibilities.

The way Haegar presents Catherine Howard is that she was promiscuous to pass the time of an uneventful life in the country. A “no strings attached” kind of thing. However, she would end up falling in love with someone even though her family has ambition like no other and is pushing her towards Henry VIII. In short, the story of a girl who wanted for nothing but to beloved for who she was and not what she could offer or her family would gain. And because of that she dies.

Haegar has written a powerful piece of historical fiction. Undoubtedly, this has become a favorite. I should not say anymore because I do not wish to give away what wonderful writing this is. The Queen’s Mistake gets 4.5 out of 5.