I think I’ve forgotten the reasons why I began writing this blog–if that is what I can really call it anymore–if ever. I mean, I know why I started. I just can’t remember why it held any significance…

I love books and reading. My mother read to me while I was in the womb, when it was time for bed… and eventually I would pick up books that appeared or sounded interesting. I was a quick reader and went through books quicker than they could be given. Instead of asking for the average girl-toy for Christmas or birthdays, I’d ask for books. Getting a new book–used or otherwise–was like Christmas, even in the middle of July. Maybe that is why I love inter-library loans from the local library. I made a list of books that I want to read. I’ve only gotten through… less than ten of them. Some do not have reviews because I read them before I had the “brilliant” idea to start a blog revolving around the books I’ve read. I guess I started because I wanted to share my passion with people who might enjoy the same genres I do–and who knows, introduce books anyone can read, become fans of the author, obssess over with me, gain new views–a whole slew of things.

It is kind of disheartening to have to accept that I will not finish all or even most of these books by the end of 2010. Maybe the end of 2011… or 2012. There’s just no possible way. I added them all up and found that if I were to take a week for each book on the list, it would take a little over a year and a half to read them all. I think in some instance, I need to start over… not from scratch–just a new perspective. What I have written in regards to “reviews”… I’m not satisfied with at all right now. I liked them for what they were at the moment–but for some reason, it is just not enough anymore.

What I would like to do is write everyday. I used to. However, if everyday does not happen–oh well–shit happens and I’m not going to tie myself to a computer racking my brains trying to write something that I am just not invested in. Instead of just writing a review at the end, maybe writing a pre-review or something. I just need something different… I’m not sure what–just different from what is.

So–here is the plan:
During the time I am reading a book, I will hopefully write my thoughts out regarding whatever I read that day… maybe I’ll pick a prompt or something. Or maybe, like I said before, write a pre-review and then a review after–compare and contrast kind of thing. As impossible as it is for me to remotely like this change at all–right now I seem to crave change in general.

Maybe that’s it right there–I want so much change in my life. Right now. That’s new. I’m just tired of things being so prettily placed, constructed, and said. I totally get that there is a time and place for the subtlety  which I’ve so greatly mastered in my everyday speech–sad day. It is exhausting and maybe just becoming a pain in my ass to have an extreme sense of propriety all the time. I think my roomie, Amanda, will take great joy in find out that I’m going to take a lesson in radical honesty–or at least make an honest attempt. As far as the blog is concerned, I think that writing exactly what I am thinking or feeling will be good for me–less stressful and not so much stock in giving a rat’s ass. Maybe this is long overdue–fuck appropriate. Take me for who I am. Take this for what it is. In this moment. Change is not going to be easy for me–anyone who knows me will know and see this. But right now–I’ve never wanted change more. This is a great place to start. We’ll see how it goes for the next novel–I think I’ve a newfound hope for this blog and myself.

Advertisements